Spring Cleaning and Getting Ready

It's my last day at home all alone and I am relishing in the silence and celebrity gossip sites. The past few weeks have been spent cleaning up and getting things ready as we prepare for our heir to come home. I'm checking into the hospital tomorrow afternoon and then on Thursday they will be slicing and dicing me. Ello Bebe.. Welcome to the madness that is our house.

Dear Kid,

Things you should know:
- I'm kind of insane and anal about things but flattery will get you everywhere- talk to you father about this.
- You're probably going to be one of the most awesome things that has ever happened to me- no pressure.
- Even if you aren't gay I will still love you. Your wife? Not so much. Your life partner? Definitely. I jest.
- Your father is pretty awesome. Nuff said.
- Thou shall not use Barbra Streisand's name in vain. Capiche?

There are more things I want to tell you about but I'll have to put them down in a letter so when you are a teenager and hate me I'll have the guilt card handy.

Welcome to the family!

Love,
Your Mother (the woman who carried you for 9 months and had to give up her beloved heels when her feet got all swollen.. oi vay!)

But back to Spring Cleaning.. Here are a couple of inneresting tips I heard about recently from the television.

Cleaning a microwave: Take a microwaveable bowl, fill with water, fill with 3 sliced lemons and microwave on high for about 3 minutes. Let it sit for another 3 minutes. Remove bowl and with a wet cloth, wipe off the walls. The lemon water magic will loosen the schmutz. Ta da.

Cleaning out radiators: Take a shmata towel, make it damp and place over the top of the radiator. Take a hairdryer and place it under the radiator. Turn it on and the dust will cling to the towel. Oh how fun!

I'm really into the Yiddish today.. I guess it is from watching Jon Stewart at 4 in the morning.. Forget songs that I played for the kid in utero.. Tim Gunn and Jon Stewart will calm him down.

So in like 48 hours I'll be a Jewish mother.

Holla!